This is one of the simplest techniques I know, and the one that did the most for me. Before I lay it out, a short word so you don’t build yourself false hope. This technique doesn’t make emotions disappear. It doesn’t make loss stop hurting, or make you stop suffering. Physical pain is another story, though the technique holds there too. So what’s it for?

It’s for learning to live alongside pain, suffering, loss — whatever you put in that slot. Some emotions may disappear, but that’s a side effect, not the point. I learned the anchoring technique ACE — acknowledge your thoughts and feelings, come back into your body, engage in what you’re doing — from Russ Harris’s The Happiness Trap. I recommend that book to anyone. It got me out of bed.

In other posts I’ll describe the variants I worked out for myself, but let me start with the base.

Harris has three steps. I split the first into two, because those are two different operations. That’s how NOTE came about: Notice, Observe from outside, Track it in the body, Engage. It’s the same technique, just with one extra step and laid out a little differently.

Notice

Pay attention to what’s playing in your head right now. I’m no good at relationships. I ruined everything. I’m worthless. That kind of thought — the ones that show up as a sound in your head, a sentence. But it can also be an image: a memory, or a picture of the future. First step done.

Observe from outside

It’s like taking a step back, or to the side, and looking at the thought from a distance. I’m having the thought that I’m no good at relationships. I’m having the thought that I ruined everything. I’m having the thought that I’m worthless.

This isn’t a finished form — pick your own. I notice the thought that… I see the thought that… Or make up your own. Play with the language. For images in your head, I see the thought or I see the memory works better — you don’t hear a picture.

For a moment I’ll pull your attention here. Before I go on — don’t skip this step. I split acknowledging into notice and observe from outside because that distinction is the whole thing. Noticing a thought without stepping back from it is just thinking the same thought, more attentively, harder.

Your attention is fuel — pointed at the content, it trains the thought, strengthens it. More on that in “The white bear effect” in the mechanisms section. In short: you’re learning a new skill right now. Without this step you’re fusing with what you already have, only tighter. That’s not what you came here for.

Track it in the body

You’ve noticed the thought and stepped back from it. Where do you feel it now, in the body? A grip in the stomach? The throat? A wash of heat or cold — and where: head, neck, the whole body? In this step you’re looking for where the emotion sits and how it shows up. Just looking. Move your attention there.

Engage

While you’re with the pain, the suffering, the loss, pay attention to your body. Straighten up in the chair, shift position in bed, change anything in your physical posture — anything that lets you feel the change. Wave a hand. Notice the objects around you, or the sounds of the world: birds, a lawnmower, whatever’s within reach. Maybe the label on your shirt is scratching you. If not — can you feel the whole shirt touching your body? How it sits on you, the fabric. Or press your feet into the floor. Maybe all of it at once. Anything goes.

I understand you don’t want to. Whatever it is. Do it with the reluctance. Make contact with reality. If you were doing something — go back to it. It still hurts, but you still have your arms, your legs, your head and your trunk.

Now, I’m sorry — I really am — repeat it on the same thought, at least three more times.

That’s the base. The branches — because not every thought is the same kind, and you don’t say the same thing to all of them — and the variants for situations where four steps is too many, I’ll cover in the next pieces. One of those variants is already here: “When you’re barely holding on. I don’t weigh much.” .

Notice → Observe from outside → Track it in the body → Engage.